Imagine a scenario where you are thousands of miles away from the love of your life, fighting in a war. The number one thing you hold on to is the hope of returning back home, seeing them, and holding them in your arms again. While you’re at war, you live for their letters because each one is a sense of home and a reminder of the love and connection you still have. Now, imagine one day, still in combat, you receive a letter from them. But, instead of the comforting letters you are used to, the letter tells you they’ve moved on and found someone new. Just like that your relationship is over. How would you cope? Now try to imagine being the one who has to write the letter. The guilt you feel, fear of judgment from others. Unfortunately, This was a harsh reality for many couples, especially during World War II. Dear John letters during World War II not only highlight the emotional strain of long distance relationships but also reveal the societal expectations placed on women who ended relationships with soldiers, often labeling them as traitors. Meanwhile, soldiers experienced emotional responses ranging from moving on, to devastation as they struggled to cope with the loss of their lovers.
Dear John letters were typically sent by women back home to their partner at war, informing them that the relationship has ended. These letters were often sent after the woman at home had moved on to somebody new. An example of this letter is: “Dear John, I don’t know quite how to begin but I just wanted to say that Joe Doakes came to town on furlough the other night and he looked very handsome in his uniform, so when he asked me for a date…” . These kinds of letters became common during the second World War where letter writing became crucial. Letter writing was so important that the U.S. postmaster general stated “It is so essential to morale that army and navy officers of the highest rank list mail almost on a level with munitions and food.” Walker’s comparison of food and munition to love letters during the war shows just how much love letters meant for soldiers in combat.
Here is an example I found of a Dear John letter sent during the second World War: “Dear Saul, I know it’s been quite some time since you last heard from me, and no doubt you’ve been wondering why the long absence. This is by far the most difficult thing I’ve had to do, and you must realize how much it pains me. I’ve always been honest with you, Saul, and I believe you deserve only the truth from me for you yourself are so fine and wonderful a person. So I’ll be perfectly honest with you. I’ve met someone I care for very much. Don’t think for a moment that it was your fault, Saul. I don’t believe it was either of our faults. Neither of us wished to have things happen as they did, it just happened, and we can’t do anything about it. Guess they call it fate. You’ve been wonderful to me all along, and I think you are one of the grandest, sincerest people I have had the honor of meeting. I’m certain you’ll meet someone in the very near future, who will be able to give you what I can no longer give. For someone as fine and understanding a person as you, Saul deserves only the best in life. I’m returning the gifts and the ring to your mother which I believe is the only fair thing to do.Thank her and your dad for being so wonderful to me. If I could but spare you and them all this, believe me Saul I would, but I see no way. Here’s wishing you the very best in life. For all who know you know full well that you certainly deserve it. Good luck to you always and here’s wishing you a happy voyage home, and soon.” This letter illustrates the emotional conflict many women faced when writing to their partners. The writer expressed her guilt and her care. She tried letting him down easy and told him that he deserved happiness.
During this time period where dear john letters became popular, women were actually treated rather poorly. As you can see in the example above, writing and sending these letters was not easy. The writer’s long absence indicates that it took her quite some time to process her emotions and make the decision to write and send this letter to Saul. The pressure of how society viewed these women did not make it any easier. Many referred to these women as cowards and traitors. Some individuals went as far as to say that these women should be shot for being traitors. These women who were dealing with the difficulty of maintaining a strong connection with their partner at war were put in counseling. These counselors would tell women to wait for their partner to come back home, instead of sending them a letter. The second World War lasted six years, which is a very long time to wait. By then, a majority of women will have moved on. When some men came home and found out that their partner had moved on after they had waited all this time, their reactions were not so great. In some situations, this led to homicidal violence.
Learning about what women went through when having to end their relationship like this made me wonder: how did the men cope when they received the letter? While many might think that most soldiers were crushed and gave up, this was not the case for all. Some soldiers chose to cope with humor. For instance, Soldiers in India formed a “brush off club” , where they would joke about getting dear johned. They had playful titles for each other, such as “weeper in chief” and “consulter in chief”. Of course, you would have had to receive a dear john letter in order to be a member of the “brush off club”. However, humor was not the coping mechanism for all soldiers. Many became deeply depressed and some took their own lives after getting dear Johned. A soldier named Leon, fighting in the Korean war, is an example of those who didn’t take their breakup well. “Dear Babe, I just received your letter in this morning’s mail. I held it in my hand for a minute while a little voice in the back of my head whispered “‘this is it.. This is the one” you tried to let me down easy. I never said I was the greatest guy on Earth,you did. Anyway he’s there, I’m here. “Be careful,” you tell me. “Take care”. I almost laughed out loud. We wouldn’t wanna see me hurt, would we? There’s no need to worry about me. I’ll be alright. Do I say something brilliant like may all your troubles be little ones? How ‘bout if you ever need a friend that presumes a future, there are 500,000 North Koreans and Chinese on the other side of that hill bound and determined to make sure I don’t have a future. Over here where your past is your last breath, your present is this breath, and your future is your next breath, you don’t make too many promises. Which leaves me what? Goodbye. Leon.” The tone of Leon’s letter is sarcastic and dark, reflecting his feelings of betrayal and heartbreak. Another contrasting reaction comes from Arthur Taylor, who served with the Third Army in World War II. He attempted to guilt trip his ex-girlfriend into thinking that he was in mortal danger during the Battle of Bulge. Additionally, one soldier gathered up as many images of other men’s girlfriends and wives saying “I haven’t seen you in a long time, I forget what you look like.” This brutal response highlights the contrast in how soldiers reacted to break-up letters, illustrating the wide range of emotions that these people experienced during this time.
In conclusion, Dear John Letters during the war reveal the emotional strain faced by long distant couples, separated by war, exposing the societal pressure that was put on women when ending relationships. While women writing these letters faced harsh judgment, the soldiers who received them showed a wide range of emotions and coping mechanisms. Some used humor to mask their pain, while others expressed heartbreak and betrayal. Dear John letters serve as a reminder of the great impact of war on relationships and makes us wonder and reflect on the human spirit in the face of change.